Chapter of life series:

Unapproachable

About a month ago I was riding a bus on my way to work, I was sitting in one of the front rows of the bus, I noticed a good-looking teenage girl who was seating right in front of me, I could see she was struggling because she had a sad look on her face, as the bus went on it’s route other teenagers were getting on and the bus was getting full.

I was looking at the girl and every time one of the teenager dudes approached the seat she was sitting in, she grabbed her things in order to make room for a person to sit right next to her, and they just kept on going without even taking a second look at the girl who was kindly making room for them to sit.

I am no stranger to feeling lonely so I could tell immediately how she was feeling.

I have been in situations like that one, and it does make you feel lonely because you start asking yourself, am I really so terrible that no one wishes to be near me? Is there something I’m doing wrong?

I have learned the answer to those questions:

It is not your fault if you don’t get the result you want from a given situation regarding what other people might or might not do, you have no control over it, unless you point the situation towards you having the control over it:

 “if somebody wishes to approach you they will (if they want to) and if you wish to approach someone, you should”.

I meditated the situation a lot and I came to the conclusion that I should have said something to her, I know from experience a word, even if said by a stranger has the ability to make someones day. I believe i should have said something along the lines of
“-I know how you are feeling right now but this moment will pass and you will be stronger after it passes”

I didn’t have enough self-confidence to speak up and say something even though I feel like I have been in that situation before, feeling lonely, unattractive or unapproachable. I couldn’t try to begin to explain how much some encouraging words would have helped me in those times of need even if said motivating words came from a stranger on a bus.

Loneliness is not a sign of weakness but feeling lonely may as well be a path that leads to a bad time and well … Let’s face it, saying something kind to a stranger is something that rarely happens mostly because why try to help someone that hasn’t really asked for your help, and besides it might just have been something random to say to someone else.

Though I did not know if that was the reality of the situation or if all I was thinking was a product of my imagination because well … I do watch a lot of movies, but it did feel like that was exactly what was happening, the sense of feeling unapproachable and the loneliness it carries.

I believe the world would be a better, warmer place if people pitched in and offered help to others on a selflessly manner, it is something that I strongly feel more people should do and I feel I have to become that person because I cannot be a part of the problem I have to become part of the solution,

It is said situation which have tormented my mind in the past few weeks, I should have said something, and the worst part is that by doing nothing I fall in the category of people I criticize and I know I could have done better and I could be kinder to others.

I wish I could say that I’m sorry to the girl on the bus, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I’m sorry you might be feeling sad right now and I’m sorry I didn’t have enough confidence to try to make you feel a little better. I wish to tell you that it will get better, that the feeling will disappear in time and you will see there was nothing holding back the inner beauty you have.

Confidence is something that I have used as a shield many times in the past, so much that my friends think nothing can bring me down, but I too have felt unapproachable and it is a desperate feeling that I wouldn’t wish, not even to an enemy.  Confidence is a double edged sword that people need to watch out from, there will always be “better looking people, more intelligent people, more capable people but there will only be one YOU, and that is something we need to learn in life when it’s our turn to learn it.

I haven’t really coped with it because I still compare myself to other people’s happiness or abilities and lifestyle, but I have learned that what we see on social media is not always real and in the same way what we feel about ourselves should be enough.

Think of everything you have accomplished and if you have not accomplished goals then try your best to set one, plan on it, act on it and become the person you want to become. No one can really know the full truth of your life, only you truly know what have made you the person you are today, so instead of looking at failures as such, we need to be confident enough to use those failures and view them as opportunities for growth.

I know that I should have said something and by thinking on it, then maybe next time I'll have enough confidence in myself to act on it.

My point being that I hope I can be strong enough to do this next time I encounter a situation like this one, but I do not gain nothing from it if I don't learn from it, it wouldn’t be fair to the girl on the bus or to other people that are struggling and so all I can do now is learn from it but do know that I will try my best next time and I can only hope you (the person reading this) does too. 

As always, I thank you for reading this and please keep finding a way to become a better you.